ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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