I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
