If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
this is an emotional support booty call
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
