I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
