I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
