All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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