y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
