Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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