Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
