Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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