It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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