You're completely useless in the revolution.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
