i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
