I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm bleeding and have questions
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