Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
