Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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