I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
