you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she peed on how many people?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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