Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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