Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jรคger bomb incident in Sweden.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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