is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
