he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
