Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
