Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
