so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
