Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
