i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
