I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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