smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
