you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
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Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
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All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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