I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
