do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
