I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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