No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
