I can text with my tongue
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Randomize
