so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
