i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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