you mean i was at the winter classic?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
