My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
