Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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