Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
