it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
