My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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