So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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