He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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