a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
