it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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