I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I need a beard to bite.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
