you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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