Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I stole a fireplace last night.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
