she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
