david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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