I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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