all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
