I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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