Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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