just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
