Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I need to stop coming to work sober
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
