ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
