To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
