I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
operation harelip BJ is a go
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
