That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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