Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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