She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
