do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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