shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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